Oops, I didn't really write yesterday

now, did I?  Time got away from me?  Nah, not really, after doing a few goofy things online I was just plain tired and decided to actually go to sleep early.  Fat lot of good it did me I woke up at 2 AM  from an itching on my neck and then again at 4 AM.  See I sleep on the couch as we just have a small 2 bedroom apartment and one of the bedrooms will really only accommodate one person, so Melissa and James have the large, master bedroom and Ellie has the smaller bedroom (my concession to her since she's the normal one and rarely gets the attention she so deserves, just ask her!).  So I sleep on the couch.  Anyway, back to the itching, this past summer we had a bed bug infestation that was mostly on the couches and in Ellie's room.   I proceeded to follow all directions of how to get said infestation under control short of blowing up the house, which I can't since it's not mine.  But I bought a steamer, vacuumed the crap out of every little nook and cranny, steamed the crap out of every nook and cranny, washed everything that could be washed, sprayed with various bug killers, though supposedly they are very resistant to insecticides and then proceeded to wrap both couches and all the beds in plastic covers (had to remove the legs from the couches, but hey, it's cheaper than buying new couches, which is what these were just a year ago).  I did this once a week for a couple of months and it appeared I had the situation in hand.  No new bites for several weeks.

Well, we got a new couch from a friend, not new, used but in very good condition and put the worst of the other two out on the porch.  And this new couch really can't be covered in a plastic cover like the others.  And now every couple of weeks or so, I get a new bite, find the damn bug every time, little stinker, full of my blood and while checking over the new couch very carefully, cannot find another infestation like on the previous couches but have found the occasionally straggler.  So the new couch get thoroughly vacuumed once a week and sprayed as well and that usually takes care of it.  It just bothers the crap out of me trying to figure out where they are coming from though!  On the couch that is still in the house from last summer, I do find the occasional tear in the plastic cover from CAT tearing over it like a crazed lunatic so that is where I think they still may be coming from.  Did you know a mature bedbug can live up to a year without feeding?  They have four stages of life and must feed at least once per stage and all the ones that I have found were mature ones so I'm thinking, they are attracted to heat, like the dark and only come out at night, tiny little vampire bugs that they are and occasionally one finds that tear that CAT made and finds it's way to me since I'm the only one in the living room at night.  *sigh*  I'm just irresistible, what can I say?

Yesterday was an interesting day as I had tons of thoughts go crashing through my head but then of course forgot to write them down and now I can't remember a single one of them.  I really need to get in the habit of writing things down or some kind of reminder so I can talk about it later because I know you all just can't wait to hear my opinion on everything under the sun, right?  Okay, so you can wait, meanies! :P

The house is very quiet right now but that is about to change as it's time to wake James up for his morning routine, we are very careful to stick to the routine for the most part, otherwise he tends to have a difficult day at school.  He won't eat breakfast at home anymore because he found out he can get it at school and eat there!  Fine by me, they get free lunch and breakfast and saves me money and time here in the morning.  And the food at his school is pretty decent, unlike the food at Southside High School.  Even the principal joked about it during Freshman Orientation.  I thought he must be joking, I mean they have to feed edible food to the kids, right?  I was wrong, turns out they don't think they have to and their attitude is, "Don't like it?  The don't eat it or pack!"  Well, that would be just find and dandy except I can't afford for my kids to pack lunch every day, if I could do you think we would qualify for free lunch?  I want to do some protesting, quietly mind you, to try to get them to at least attempt to serve better food but Ellie isn't sure about turning me loose since she still has 4 years to go and would just like to get buy for now.  Though as each day goes by and the food become more inedible............................

Well, it is time to start our day.  I may post little tidbits here and there through out the day as things come to me.  One thing I do remember thinking about yesterday is how much I've changed when it comes to meeting new people and finding myself in new situations.  I used to pretty much attach myself to new people and make emotional bonds in my head all the time.  To total strangers for the most part because I had this need to belong and be accepted.  Nothing creepy or weird, just like I wanted to be everyone's friend and get along with everyone.  And for the most part it was okay but now I find myself distancing myself from people for the most part, I think I just got tired of being disappointed in some but mostly in myself.  I don't view myself as a very good friend for the most part since I am focused mostly on me and my kids right now.  I do try to be a good friend, I offer the shoulder when needed, the hug when wanted but when you get nothing in return when needed or wanted you find yourself becoming just a bit more cynical about people and what they want or need?

See to me a friend is someone who trusts you enough to tell you what is happening in their lives, not just the happy news but the sad or bothersome news as well.  And I should be able to share same with them.  And when they are in need I want to be there for them, but if I have no clue that they are in need, then well, it makes it rather difficult to be there for them.  And when I am in need I would expect same from them, the occasional call, visit, something to show that they are aware and care about what is happening in my life. I think what triggered a lot of this was when James was in the hospital this past summer with his appendix being removed and the 10 days we had to stay because of the infection.  Now, you see, when James and I walked into that hospital together I told him then that I would not leave him and as long as he was stuck there, so was I.  I refused to leave the hospital, even though there were many occasions I could have "snuck" out for a bit, but I would know I did it, so I stayed with him. I had internet access so I was able to post information and send emails and the likes.  Now there are two women in particular that I thought would be there for me, if not for James, as they both seem to care for him a great deal, at least one of them does.  Nothing from either one of them.  One email from one of them, but no phone calls, no visits, nothing.  By day 8 I was pretty ticked about the situation and I know the stress of being in the hospital for that period of time didn't help but it still bothered me a great deal that I never heard from either of them except for the one email.  Then I made the mistake of saying something to the rest of the family and they got kind of pissy with me as well.  Long story short, I decided then that I really couldn't depend on others to be there for me, with the exception of my Mom, who has always been there, even if it was to kick me in the butt and get me moving.  My other sister did check back with me and we talk but as for the rest of my family, they aren't really there.

I reach out and reach out and reach out and people just ignore so I'm done reaching out.  I really noticed this change when I started the class out at Boces, normally I would be friendly, open and talkative but this time I looked at the classroom as a place to learn and not a place to socialize and make new friends, because quite honestly most of the people would be leaving before I was done and can you really make life long friends in such a short period of time?  I mean there are people I have worked with for over a year and when I find myself outside of work with them I find it difficult to find subject to talk about.  I don't know, all I do know is there were a few of the ladies there in class that were driving me crazy the first couple of weeks with all the chatter and gossiping.  They would trash talk one woman in particular when ever she and the instructor would leave the room.  Now, I worked with this woman at NDS and I knew she had  her way of doing things, but I did get to know her and knew she was as good hard worker and hasn't had to look for a new job in quite some time.  She was one of the people I had thought about when I heard NDS was closing, hoping she would be alright.  Well, during one lunch period, the one girl was gossiping about her again, making comments about how slow she was and how she didn't know all these new things about job hunting until I had had enough and basically told the whole class that I would appreciate it very much if they had something to say to someone, to say it to their face and to quit talking about people behind their backs.  Well, that set them off but guess what, they quit talking about her, at least in front of me.  I'm sure they talked about me as soon as I left the room but quite frankly I just don't care what other people think about me anymore, I know who I am, I know what I am capable of doing and if people don't want to get to know me better, fine, one less person I have to think about as well.  Does that sound selfish?  Probably but again, I have to start thinking about taking care of me, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically (we are going to get a Wii Fit for the entire family, will explain more later on that one) so I can be there for my kids when they need me.

Okay, so much for a short note in the morning to make up for yesterday, LOL!  As I said, you may see little blurbs here and there because I supposedly can email posts in so I think I will try to send stuff from my phone as ideas hit me and then expand on them more when I get home.

Everyone, hope you have a great day, no not really, I hope I have a great day, LOL! :)